I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
