In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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