dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
