I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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