My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
