I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I could make wine with my vomit
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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