so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
high people should be assigned attendants
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
