K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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