he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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