Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can you bring me the toilet please
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
