He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
