I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Screwed.edu
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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