Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
