If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
