yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
