i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
tell me about the eggs
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