I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
