he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
