Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
