I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
