the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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