Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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