It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
