I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
