I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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