This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
