Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
