i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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