Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
