Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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