I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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