10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
