Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
