The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
