the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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