they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
