i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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