based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
