i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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