Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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