she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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