Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
