worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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