i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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