mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
