are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
