I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
