Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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