No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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