Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
