Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
