There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
