hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
