I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
