he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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