just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
