i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
